My sweet dog is no longer with us because of a tragic accident.

Tille (pronounced Till-y) was a dog we rescued from the shelter … I say ‘we’ but actually she was secreted into our possession by my husband while I was thousands of miles away visiting family.  She was a Swedish Vallhund mix, full of unbridled energy, and aptly dubbed Foxy by the rescue center.  Getting to rename her was my consolation prize.  I chose Tille because in Sweden that means heroine and while we rescued her, she’d be our hero, right?  The brave watch dog? Right??

From the start, she and I had … we’ll call them ‘issues’.  Her personality was a bit wild from being on the streets with her brother for (so the rescue center thought) almost a full year.  Whenever the door opened she would bolt through the smallest opening and be gone without a trace.  We’d call and scream hear name looking through the woods beside our house only to see her bounding through the tall brush like a deer.

I’ll admit, she drove me CRAZY at times.

Then something happened.  I saw the wildest dog I’d ever met become a family dog.  For being the   sweetest companion to my children, I thank her.  For guarding our house with determination, I thank her.  For picking up all the crumbs I’m discovering we drop, waiting to go to bed until the last of her masters are tucked in, for her abundance of affection, for her patience when small hands grabbed her fur a little too tight …. Thank you Tille.

Some might not understand how very much it hurts to lose a dog or another pet.  They must not have known the love of a pet.

We went on a family walk, she bolted, you can imagine what occurred, and our little Tille didn’t walk home.  She went quick and while doing what she did best: running – and 3 years exactly to the day of us rescuing her.

For all those who have lost a dear pet or a loved one, you know the pain in the immediate moment of loss is terrible but what hurts more is the chasm left to live with.

If you care to, bear with my meager attempt to capture the ache of what’s left after loss:

 

~Pain IS Nothing~

The loss is all too passing.

It’s the hole that’s left behind –

emptiness holds the real sting,

as lost sight is to the blind.

You were always there beside me,

like a shadow follows close

but now I no longer see

and that’s when I miss you most.

Death is gone, the mourning done,

yet pain still sears my being.

The void rises with each sun,

and sends memories reeling.

Why cannot I forget you?

Why must agony persist?

Because morn will come anew

And you’ll be forever missed.